I'm taking Mother's Day weekend to evaluate my relationship with my three teenage children. How am I doing, parenting these three lively and very different teenagers? Each with his/her own personality, each one with his/her own agenda . . .and each wanting my full attention!

Well I think I have to say not too bad. You see I’ve learned to pick my battles. I can live with messy bedrooms, backpacks on the floor and an occasional “Stop Mom, you’re embarrassing me.” But communication is key and no matter what stage of emotional development each child is at, if I want to improve my ability to connect with them, I have to step back and ask myself who is this person and what do I know about him/her.


Somewhere between the age of ten and fifteen my children have become uncharacteristically moody. In their need to declare their independence they pull me into their lives one minute and push me away another. In one breath I can go from being their BFF, great listener, cool confidant to nosey, meddling mom. I’m happy to report that our eight-teen year old son is back! Not only did patience and respect return this child to his original state, he returned with the values my husband and I have been teaching him since he was a child.

Regardless of their intent teenagers often make mistakes that hurt their parents and I’ve realized that it’s not about us. I’ve found it helpful to step back and try to understand the reasons for their behavior. I’ve also committed to love my children unconditionally and that involves separating the teen from the behavior. “I don’t love what you’ve done but I do love you.”

I know that with all the challenges and confusion that teens face these days they need the feeling of safety that only structure can provide. So at the risk of being unpopular parents, we set uncompromising standards with a great degree of supervision.

Most important my teens know that I love them. I convey love not just by telling them but by being present, by listening to what they have to say and by attempting to understand how they’re feeling about this challenging journey that is life.

By and large I’m doing well. I’m proud of the opportunity that I’ve been given to raise these terrific teens. Happy Mother’s Day you’al!