He's Your Favorite

“Mom, he’s obviously you favorite.”

Once again two of my teens confront me about my relationship with my middle child, and once again I deny favoritism telling them that I love them all equally. But, in examining their comment I realize that they’re right. My middle child is my favorite.

He’s my favorite because of his tender heart, his innocent nature and his willingness to help without ever complaining. He’s my favorite because he loves his twin sister and adores his older brother. He’s my favorite because he hangs on to our every word, interested in us and what we have to say.

I continue to think about their comment and realize that no, my favorite is my oldest son. Not only is he my first born, he is kind and compassionate, fearless and adventurous. He is a great role model to his younger siblings, often helping out with “parental” responsibilities including carpool. He’s my favorite because he makes me laugh, even in the midst of an argument.

But hold on, wait a minute . . . my favorite child is my daughter. My “baby girl” is sweet and sassy, sensible and wise. She’s fiercely determined and like me, has a mind of her own. She is my shopping buddy, my chick flick companion. She’s my favorite because she’s the “go to” person in the family . . . this child knows everything.

Each one of my children is my favorite. I don’t love them similarly, I love them separately. I love them for their individual personality. I love them for the way each one touches my heart. So why do my two teens complain? Perhaps it’s because of how I show my children my love.

Each child has different needs and parents respond accordingly. An independent and more mature teen doesn’t need nor does he want a lot of direction. I don’t have to ask my daughter if she has her dance equipment or needs cafeteria money. I do, however make sure I’m there whenever she needs me, and even when she doesn’t. I’m at every performance, help make football posters and carefully plan out homecoming dance accessories. If one of my teens is exploring college options, I’m there to take him on the college tour, ask appropriate questions and obviously foot the bill.

Loving teens, like raising teens requires understanding the person. Know who your teenager is and if you have to, ask him what he needs. By recognizing and embracing the positive characteristics of each child you begin to foster increased self-esteem and security. You raise productive citizens who are prepared to provide service. They become everyone’s favorite child.